Emmy Red Carpet 2012: Bright Lights, But No WOW- Stars Stroll Down Red Carpet in ‘Stylishly Safe’ Frocks

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Let’s face it for a designer, the Emmy ,Oscars and Grammy awards mean as much to us as the actors that have been invited to these wonderful events. Many international designers spend months preparing for the onslaught on extra work and preparation when it comes to dressing actors for the red carpet. Huge designers will ‘court ‘ stars or their stylist, sending them presentations of their collections (thats if you are a REALLY BIG SUPERSTAR!). A celeb depends on the talents of an able-bodied stylist to bring their personal style, their personal ‘vision’ into fruition. That being said, why the abundance of GORGEOUS but ascetically ‘safe’ frocks on the red carpet of the Emmy 2012? Most designers look forward to this glorious night. I gathered over a few of my brethren, my “fashion herd”, some of the most well known and sought after freelance designers in NYC, and over sparkling wine and my delicious baked ziti with all the trimmings, we  gobbled up each outfit that appeared across the screen. This are the times that make life so beautiful. You see, I am a ‘study’ of people, and as my fashion colleagues were taking in all the wonderful frocks, I was studying their body language. A flick of the thumb, a twit of the left eye, an uncomfortable shuffle of the left foot, the unconscious body language is all there for me to ‘read’, and it was NOT good news. I deciphered that many of my brethren wanted to see MORE riskier decision making! The Emmy 2012 was SAFE,….beautiful but safe, very few actors wanted to stand out, I mean really stand out, expressing to the world, ” I am an artist!”. After the emmy’s and  over further glasses of prosecco, the truth came out, well,….er,..tidbits of the truth dressed in ‘client-friendly’ PC terms’.  Here is a run down of what we discussed about each star :

Heidi Klum – Designer: Alexandre Vauthier  – “Isn’t she like the spokesperson for “Project Runway”, why is she wearing an established designer? This would have been a wonderful opportunity for her to support one of the designers on the show. Hell, make it into an episode with the designers fighting like cats and dogs, working like mules to impress upon her to choose their design,…..yeah,…something is ‘sushi-fishy’.

Padma Lakshmi – Designer : Monique Lhullier “Ravishingly gorgeous, but isn’t she indian?, would have loved her more,supporting an indian designer, or at least a small nod to the culture of her lineage. American has no culture. We are a cornucopia of so many countries, she needs to be true to herself and who she is and stop trying to ‘fit in’ so hard!” (I kid you not, this was a debate for 30 minutes. Me, I think she looked gorgeous and should not have to wear her ethnicity on her cuff every photo-op, but thats MY opinion).

Nicole Kidman – Designer:  Antonio Berardi  – “Dress is very fashion forward, lovely, but I would have steered her into an even more minimalistic look, accessorizing sparingly ofcourse”. Then we discussed her face,…………….. She looks like a catholic schoolmarm that is about to paddle all of us for being very bad little boys. Her face was ‘stuck’ in this “I am going to get you and your dog dorothy” look. We were frightened that NOONE said this to her. We all decided a long time ago,that if  we ever have a client that “over-botoxed”, that the area has to be ‘camouflaged’. Nicole Kidman is a connoisseur of the “little needles that could”, and EVERYONE in Hollowood knows it. So lets let down those  strawberry blond tresses into soft curls, hiding her marble-like ,unmoving brow area. That would ofcourse change her choice of frocks. We were all in agreement that she should have chosen a wonderful frock of chiffon, soft,billowy, and oh so feminine, something like what hiedi klum wore.  IN FACT, heidi, should have given her dress to Nicole!” For future reference, to ANYONE reading the blog, if you are a botox facial user , make fashion choices accordingly,…. OK!

Julianne Moore- Designer: Doir  We ALL love her work!!!! I mean we REALLY are fans of this ravishing red head!! the conversation went something like this, ” Why did she decide to wear a ‘power-ranger’ yellow dress that had no “umph” to one of the MOST glam events?”. We studied our wine glasses, and one after another we blurted out ” Bulgari!!!”. You see fellow fashion-nites as you well may know in 2010 Julianne Moore was a NUDE spokes model for Bulgari. The ravishingly beautiful actor  with her timeless alabaster skin was accessorized with some of the most sought  after accessories from this italian leather goods company and NOTHING else. I , as well as my herd, thought this campaign made Mrs. Moore  into an international sex-symbol just add water! So why the bland,uncomfortably yellow long sleeve dress? We will never know, but if Mrs Moore hired a stylist we were all in agreement that THAT STYLIST should just retire and head to interiors. NOTHING that yellow should be on a humans body, ESPECIALLY if she is as pale as Mrs Moore!. We agreed on this fact  and took HUGE gulps of our prosecco. Above are just a examples of the wonderful Bulgari campaign that we were speaking off.

Kelly Osborn – Designer:  Zac Posen – “Perfection” When your father is the bat-head biting god-father of hard rock,and your mother is the strong-willed woman that managed him, it is EXPECTED for you to hit the red carpet with extreme edge.” Kelly came with this, and spades of confidence, glamor, and delicious poise. The soft burgundy silk taffeta sculpted  creation accentuated her body fabulously. The  coup de grâce, slicked tresses dyed to MATCH THE DRESS! when we saw this fashion risk-taker, we applauded  in unison, as if we were all thinking the same thing. Congrats Kelly, you have come into your own!

Claire Danes – Designer: Lanvin  – We were not in agreement over this decision. It is MY opinion, when a woman is about to bring another human-being into this gigantic, beautiful world she can wear a paper bag, and I will congratulate her,……….my brethren felt other wise. “Was this gown a “do-it-yourselfer”? Did she just go to “Moods fabric in NYC” and say ” give me 5 yards of your finest yellow silk, so I can wrap myself, call it a dress, and be fabulous!”  ” The dress has no definition, is awkward”. I immediately took command of the ‘style harpies’ promising that their wine glasses would remain dry if “claire -bashing ” was to ensue. The issue was closed immediately.

Sofia Vergara  – Designer : Zuhair Murad By the time we got to this beauties’ gown, the prosecco, and all of it bubbly delights was starting to take effect. ” This dress is disastrous, but is MADE gorgeous, because of the body in it!” We nodded in agreement, and I further explained ” Its a rather ambitious attempt to combine visual texture with function,..but no cigar.” The gown depends too heavily on the beading for effect, and that is tragic. What would have worked is if the beading was a secondary design aspect of the gown, which would mean that the beading should have been tonal, matte, not so “shimmery”. This dress comes across as cheap and tawdry, its just tooooooo much. Tonal,matte beading would have been a better choice for the surface/visual texture of the fabric, but the silhouette is gorgeous!”. Suddenly , one of my alcohol laden compadres blurted out ” She looks like a REALLY expensive piñata, I wonder if she will burst open with rolexes and tiffany bracelets if I give her a few wacks with the ‘stick of common sense’?” (you have to excuse my slightly tipsy pal, he has been known to get very snarky when his ego is fed with alcohol. We allow him to tag along simply because he gets us into  fabulous places and events, and he puts the fear of death in many  VIP gatekeepers. I think I am scared of him too!

Kat DenningsDesigner : J.Mendel  Beautiful vivacious red color, strong red lips to match, highlighted her pale skin to perfection,….but we were all wincing as she walked down the red carpet. It looked as if her areola’s, at least one, wanted to greet the paparazzi as well. ” If she has a wardrobe malfunction, I am going to scream”, one of my herd exclaimed.  Then I had a bright idea, “She needs stones, red, dazzling, expensive and deliciously gaudy  to camouflage all those boobs!. It looked as if that dress was worn for shock-value alone, and that is fine, BUT a wonderful piece across the neck, trailing down to the ample cleavage would have been EVEN MORE SEXIER, ,….and classy.  Everyone in the styling arena knows, if one wear a frock highlighting an area, apply jewels and or accessories to ‘balance out’ that what one is trying to portray.

Taraji P. Henson – Designer: BluMarine –  Her choice, a white , embroidered / beaded Blumarine number that left our tongues wagging ( for 5 gay men, that nearly impossible). The sheer number firt her ample curves to perfection, as its sheer surface/fabric  texture  leaving the male mind to imagine. Beautifully done, and great choice Ms. Henson!

Gwyneth Paltrow – Designer: Emelio Pucci –  Showed no shame, as she wore this enchanting two piece by Emilio Pucci, ( See , this is what we mean by matte or tonal beading!) The two piece ensemble was beaded and embroidered, with a ‘flesh sheath’ underneath the exquisite beadwork, giving the illusion of skin, very sexy! Another “tongue – wagger”.

Hayden Panettiere – Designer : Marchesa – The only way to describe this dress is a quote by a fellow designer that is a lover of greek mythology  ” This dress looks is if Hayden is Hera, Mother goddess of all the greek gods. Hermes,  created the gold sheath, and Neptune covered it with the oceans of the world”.  The dress had a dramatic impact, what imagination and execution. Simply breathtaking to behold.

These were just some of our favorites, but after 4 glasses of prosecco, the convo slowly leaves fashion , and makes a beeline to gossip, and unfortunately, NONE of that is printable for the public, thank god!  Stay tuned to this blog, because I will be doing an accent piece to this story, of MY OWN DESIGNS, and the celebs that I would dress for Emmy 2012. Its going to be wonderful.

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2 responses »

  1. Hilarity at its best. I nearly dead @ “the needles that could” and ” dorothy and her dog too”. Nicole DID look oddly frozen in the face. I bet if that chick cracks a smile,her face will LITERALLY crack!!! Funny article seaki!

    • Exactly Baggirl. This one of the few blogs that subscribe to via email. His writing is funny and fresh like one of your fav gay friends is having a convo with you over coffee. Very nice article, a few were left out. I guess you guys were drunk by then 🙂

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